SW1 Culture News Reports

Back in November/December of 2016, when the first Great War broke out, The Culture had a series of news reports detailing…let’s call them management restructuring events. These are reproduced below for your enjoyment. Most changes in “leadership” lasted a day or two, with the exception of ags131, who lasted about 10 minutes.


Culture News Report:

tedivm was ousted as alliance spokesperson in a violent coup. Witnesses reported seeing him being carried away yelling something about “fucking fascists” with a bong held tightly in one hand.

dissi was appointed as the new Mouth of the Alliance. In his acceptance speech, he welcomed his new role and spoke about “exciting new market opportunities” that the Culture would be enacting in the near future.


Culture News Report:

dissi was ousted as Mouth of the Alliance in a violent coup. Witnesses reported seeing him led away in handcuffs as other alliance members grumbled about H prices and the buying power of credits.

Bovius was appointed as the new Mouth of the Alliance. He did not respond for comments, but was seen toiling in the W35S45 block, muttering “[incomprensible] needs stone… rock” over and over.


Culture News Report:

Bovius was ousted as Mouth of the Alliance in a violent coup. Witnesses reported seeing him locked in a 3×3 work room, yelling about shells, crystal glass, and stacks of adamantine wafers.

akusnayesa was appointed as the new Mouth of the Alliance. She was last seen licking her paws, and could not be reached for comment.


Culture News Report:

akusnayesa was officially declared as abandoning the post of Mouth of the Alliance by peaceful consensus. She was last seen snuggling up to entity and cleaning blood and bits of flesh from her teeth and fur.

ags131 was appointed as the new Mouth of the Alliance. In his acceptance speech, he mentioned that he “doesn’t really know how he got this position”, and wanted to know if he could get back to his server mod.

“I have no idea why they appointed me in the first place, I definitely never wanted to lead” -ags131


Culture News Report:

ags131 was ousted as Mouth of the Alliance in a violent coup. Witnesses report seeing him yelling that he “didn’t want to do this in the first place, you assholes.”

tedivm was appointed as the new Mouth of the Alliance. In his acceptance speech, he noted that his predecessors were a “parade of douchebags” and that he would “finally get some fucking order around here.”

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